One of my personal leaps in understanding of my feelings and self occurred after having asked for some really big and significant healing, which came through a newfound knowing that I want to understand and heal every last aspect of my old self so that I can be lifted in lightness of being to a new place–and, to keep feeling good! What follows is a short story of how I received what I requested. Sometimes, healing unfolds very slowly slow (pretty much my story), and sometimes, it comes in big lightning bolts. This happens to be one of the big, lightning bolt kind of healings:
I had newly been experiencing lots of feelings of anxiety. It was actually nothing new, but anxiety had subsided for a while, and then came back almost with a vengeance some weeks before this big new ‘seeing’.
Throughout my life, I have very often FELT so much–and not all good feelings. I have known for a long time now that the feelings that strike me as anxiety are not always (or even usually) my own. I am an empath and part of that is a tremendous gift: I have the ability to use my feelings and body senses as a healer during sessions with clients to guide me to show me exactly what my clients are feeling and needing, so that we can see what surfaces, understand it, and heal it. It is one of the most powerful gifts I could imagine and for that, now, I am eternally grateful.
But my body also feels so much more. I feel the ‘muck’ of other people and the world even while sitting on my sofa sometimes. Or while out and about. And that is not fun or helpful. It has caused me a tremendous amount of pain throughout my life. This pain and anxiety is indeed what drove me to a deeper dive into alternative medicine and energy healing. At the time, I was grasping at straws for any kind of relief I could find. So in the end, this pain that pushed me so hard is such a blessing. Funny how life is like this.
Through the years, I have unwrapped many layers of understanding of who I am, and the various circumstances in my life that have caused this painful feeling. It took a very long time to figure out. So if you’re reading this and can relate, you’re not alone. This is actually how lots of us are wired. Many of us feel extreme feelings, and they are not always our own.
I know I am like this, and I know the gift and the curse of it. And believe me, I have done many releases, visualizations, karmic healings, etc. on my healing journey. But we each have a couple of biggies to tackle–a couple of massive old wounds that we determined we would understand and heal in THIS very transformative and important lifetime. This was one of mine.
And so here I will share what I got to see as the cause. This is where it gets fascinating:
Every healer needs a healer, and in working with a wonderfully talented healer for my own work, I was gifted with a new insight: As an empath, I feel. But very early on in this life, I subconsciously and consciously took on a belief and a perception that that feeling was hurtful (because it really hurts as many of you know.) And I began to be very scared of it. So I took on a ‘program’ in my subconscious mind that feeling other people’s pain or anxiety or fear hurts me. Because it did. It really hurts to feel in that way. (It allows me to have heightened empathy for so many people who suffer and who are even labeled with mental illness, when maybe they are just feeling so much because they are out of balance.)
Through this Divine connection, Universe pointed to this particular program beginning at age 2! Imagine: Somehow, something at age 2 in my little life here on Earth felt so awful and hard and painful to me that it sparked a fear in my brain and my being that feeling was painful and something I needed to be afraid of, push away, get rid of, etc.
Two years old!
How many of us have similar stories? Many. Lots. #WeAllHavePain.
She/Universe showed me that I needed to transform this repeating ‘program’ in my system and take on the knowing: My Energy Is Enough. And: I Am Safe.
Thankfully, I have my own powerful self healing abilities–this is what I do for a living. I called upon my Divine Healers and Guides and humbly asked for help. And what I was then shown was an immense chasm as big as the Grand Canyon that had been allowing in other people’s muck throughout my whole life. It was open and gaping and cancerous. Also, it was even more gaping because of a past life karmic wound that was caused by the blunt force of a cannon ball taken straight through my chest, ending one of my past lives as a stately British man. [When we have had past lives that ended in blunt force trauma (and so many of us have–just watch our historical fiction these days to really get and know this), then we carry that wound forward as something that must be healed on the Earth plane in a later life.]
But you now what? In seeing all of this clearly on that day, I, along with my beloved Guides were able to heal and transmute the underlying causes of all of this (and in this condition we see many causes) and literally fuse that aspect of my energy body back together.
I know that sounds crazy, but it works. It is #Truth for me and many others walking paths in this way. And I woke up the next morning feeling more whole and grounded than I had in a very long time. And I still to this day relish in this new level of feeling whole, complete, all patched up, etc.
From this clearing, my energy skyrocketed, and my channel of connection (my chakra system, my intuition) opened in an entirely new way. I took on a new way of knowing and expressing my truth, immediately:
“I am whole. I am enough. MY energy is enough. I am safe.”
How many of us need to learn this very same message? How many of us have similar traumas, and similar needs to claim our wholeness, our fullness in similar ways? So many, because of our paths in this life and in the past.
~~ This is the kind of healing and spiritual growth work I do with people. Reach out to me if you feel you have similar blocks that you need to heal in order to soften and allow yourself to BE you. If you have something stopping you that you just have not been able to figure out. If you know you are awakening and want some guidance. I am here in blessed service and we can arrange a free call to discuss where you are, and where you would like to go. ~~